I have a lot to thank my parents for. A happy childhood. Love and affirmation. A pantry stocked with cereal at all times. But there is one thing my parents have given me that I have had a hard time feeling grateful for: my heritage.
I don't mean to imply we have some seedy family history. I mean my physical heritage - my skin. My Swedish, English, German skin. The whitest of the white people. My mom used to call it "porcelain." But let's be honest.
I'm see through.
I'm okay with this, though. I wasn't always, but any attempt at remedying this glaring situation typically went like this: overly ambitious laying out coupled with temporary amnesia regarding what a massive amount of sun does to fair skin, followed by an unholy amount of aloe and ending in my impersonation of the Kool Aid man. After a few times of this I finally decided the sun and I weren't friends. I embraced my whiteness. It just wasn't worth the burns, the future wrinkles, sun damage and, you know, cancer.
If I have any desire to change my translucent ways then I am only left with one option: faux glow. Unfortunately, my previous spray tan efforts merely left me looking like Kool Aid Man's cousin, Orange Crush. I'm pretty sure I have an extra enzyme in my skin that reacts with cosmetics to produce an unnatural tangerine effect (see: my 10th grade foundation debacle).
So when Kristie asked me to review Victoria's Secret Beach Sexy Tinted Self-tan Body Spray, I was a little hesitant. Would I be willing to walk around looking like a melting creamsicle, a poor/sane man’s version of the "tan mom" all in the name of helping Blushing Basics readers avoid my tragic mistakes?
Yes. Yes I would.
Fortunately for me, this wasn't the case. A few quick sprays, a couple hours and my pasty skin transformed to a soft bronze. The color blends well, leaving surprisingly few streaks (which is an amazing feat considering the level of flexibility I attained while trying to reach all parts of my back) and stays fairly intact even after a couple showers. Color me impressed.
It did leave me (and my bathroom floor – spray this stuff outside for goodness sake!) a tad on the orange side but, again, I think that’s because my skin rebels voraciously against pigment of any sort. It has a nice citrus-y scent reminiscent of Clinique Happy, which brings me back to me college days (Why hello 2003! How are you and your pre-children abs?) as well as a slight shimmer like that of the Cullen clan in daylight. You know, if they spray tanned (which, in the name of fitting in, they really should have).
Quick warning for my transparent twinsies - this ain’t for fresh-faced newbies. Oh no. This is serious stuff. One good spray and you don’t just have a little sun-kissed glow. You’ve been glow-gunned. If you were hoping to slowly work your way up to some color, then this isn’t for you. But if you want the “why yes, I did just change ethnicities, nbd” look right now, then go for it.
I don’t think it will rival Kristie’s beloved St. Tropez (hold for angels singing) but at $12, Beach Sexy is a definitely a good buy for a quick fix.
As for me, I think I’ll stick to my natural glow. Or glare, I suppose. I hear see through is making a comeback.
thank you Debbie! i am so glad that Debbie is contributing to the blog because 1. she is hysterical and 2. she's a bestie. win-win. if you like her writing style then definitely check out this review here of Aveeno Positively Ageless moisturizer.